“I can’t carry it for you, but I can carry you.”
Those words from Samwise Gamgee to Frodo in The Return of the King capture something beautiful about the power of friendship. There are burdens we cannot remove from another person’s shoulders, battles we cannot fight in their place, and journeys we cannot walk for them. But we can walk alongside them. We can help carry the load.
I think this is especially important for those of us who serve in pastoral ministry.
Pastoral leadership can be a lonely endeavor. We carry a heavy load of making decisions, caring for people, preaching timeless truths, and pleading for eternal souls. We often rejoice in the spiritual growth of others while neglecting to attend to our own souls. We find ourselves surrounded by people who need us, yet feel that we are actually emotionally vulnerable and lonely. It’s here that we need to remember that one of God’s gracious provisions for weary shepherds is the gift of faithful friends.
Don’t Forget Your Fellow Workers
One of the things I most appreciate about the apostle Paul is that, for all his remarkable accomplishments, he never treated ministry as a solo endeavor. He was a missionary, theologian, church planter, and apostle–but he was also a friend. His letters are filled with the names of people who labored beside him, encouraged him, served him, and shared in the work of the gospel (see Rom. 1:11-12; 16:1-23; 2 Cor. 7:5-7; Phil. 2:25; 2 Tim. 4:9-13). Paul’s own example reminds us that spiritual maturity does not eliminate our need for friendship; it teaches us to receive friendship as one of God’s gifts.
In his chapter “Don’t Forget Your Fellow Workers” in his book Ministry of Small Things, Reuben Bredenhof writes, “It is the scriptural model that a pastor should labor as part of a body of elders or fellow pastors. He is not an individual player, trying to win it all on his own, but part of a team. God’s design is that work in the church should always be done in cooperation.” What a helpful corrective to the common temptation to carry ministry responsibilities as though everything depends on us! We are God’s fellow workers serving, struggling, and succeeding together in the church (cf., 1 Cor. 3:5-9).
The Blessings of Pastoral Friendship
Over the past decade, I have been privileged to work closely with Pastor Jerry Brush and many faithful lay elders at Trinity Bible Fellowship Church in Blandon, PA. I am deeply grateful for the gift of sharing the load of ministry with these brothers. We have been able to share responsibilities, pray together, work through differences, celebrate small victories, and encourage one another along the way. This experience has reminded me that pastoral friendship is not a luxury, it is one of God’s provisions for helping us persevere in ministry.
Here are just a few of its blessings:
- Friendship reminds us that we are not alone (Prov. 17:17; Eccl. 4:9-10).
- Friendship provides necessary accountability (Prov. 27:6; Gal. 6:1-2).
- Friendship strengthens our resolve (Prov. 27:17; Heb. 10:24-25).
- Friendship multiplies the joy of ministry (Phil. 4:1; 1 Thess. 2:19-20).
Cultivating the Gift of Pastoral Friendship
So how can we cultivate these friendships amid the demands of daily ministry? Here are a few practical suggestions:
Be intentional.
Don’t wait until a crisis arrives to develop meaningful friendships. Schedule a lunch with a fellow pastor, invite another elder and his wife over for dinner, or check in via a phone call or text. Healthy friendships have to be cultivated with care.
Be honest.
This is one of our biggest obstacles: vulnerability. Get beyond conversations about budget figures, attendance numbers, and upcoming events. Ask someone, “How are you doing, really?” Be willing to share your own fears and struggles, not simply your ministry successes.
Pray together.
There is something wonderfully strengthening about praying with a brother who understands your burdens. Make it a priority to pray with and for one another’s marriages, children, spiritual growth, trouble-areas in ministry, and perseverance in the gospel.
Celebrate others.
Resist the temptation to compare your congregations, accomplishments, or the apparent “fruitfulness” of your efforts. Be loud about God’s blessings to others. Encourage even small acts of faithfulness. Share helpful resources, and look for ways to help rather than compete.
Take the initiative.
If pastoral friendship has been missing from your life, don’t assume it’s someone else’s fault. Reach out first to another pastor or elder this week. You might be surprised at how grateful he is that you did.
We have a wonderful Savior who promises to never leave us or forsake us (cf., Heb. 13:5). We have a friend in Jesus who sticks closer than a brother (cf., Prov. 18:24). Our hope, ultimately, rests not in the strength of our pastoral friendships but in the steadfast of Christ’s faithfulness. Yet our Lord often ministers his comfort through the ordinary means of Christian fellowship. Sometimes the Lord strengthens a weary shepherd through the timely words, listening ear, or faithful presence of a friend. And not only do you need that friend, sometimes you are that friend.
May the Lord strengthen your hands, encourage your heart, and surround you with faithful friends as you serve His church.
Article by Dan Williams, Pastor of Trinity BFC in Blandon, PA and Interim Director of Church Health for the Bible Fellowship Church. Find out more about Church Health and download free resources at BFC.org/Church-Health.
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